Archive for Relationships

Feeling Needed

Posted in Quotes with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 5, 2012 by Anna Deeds, LPC
Pilot (Sons of Anarchy)

Pilot (Sons of Anarchy) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Only men need to be loved, sweetheart. Women need to be wanted. Gemma

Gemma is saying that she needs to feel wanted.  I think the truth is that Gemma wants to feel needed.  I think a lot of what Gemma does in the fictional world of Charming is about her desire to be needed.  She schemes, manipulates and plays people off each other so she can squirm her way into being an important person in Jax‘s life.  She acts like it’s about her love for her son and her grandchildren but everything she does is out of selfishness.  She wants to be the center of her family’s world.  I think she wants this so she can feel needed.

I can relate to wanting to feel needed but I go about it an entirely different way.   I became a counselor because helping other people makes me feel needed.

It is a woman’s instinct to feel needed.  No, it’s more than instinct.  It’s a biological imperative.  Think about it.  Women are biologically designed to have children who need nurtured, loved and taken care of.  Children need us for everything.  But Gemma has reached a point in her life where her children are adults or gone.  They needed her when they were young but not now.  She is unable to accept that and this has a lot to do with what drives her to act out like a child who isn’t getting what she wants.

Unfortunately, I was never able to have children.  I have to find other ways to fulfill this need.  I do this by helping others but I also find myself doing this in personal relationships.  Whenever someone needs something, I try to fill that need.  I even look for things I can do for others because it makes me feel needed.  Most of the time this is a subconscious act where I don’t even think about it.  I’m just the type of person who will go out of their way to do things for others.

At times, it has caused problems in my relationships with men.  I think I make myself a target to be taken advantage of by men because I’m always trying so hard to make them happy.  Intellectually, I know I’m not responsible for another person’s happiness but subconsciously I do things all the time to try to make the man in my life happy.  It’s this urge to be needed that drives me to act this way.   I think some part of me believes if I can make the man in my life happy, then I will always be needed.

Feeling needed is an urge that is biologically based for women but that doesn’t mean we have to give in to it.  You certainly don’t have to play games like Gemma does to fulfill this need.  I am trying to change this in my life by noticing when I am acting on the urge to be needed.  I try not to give in to this as much and to do things for others out of kindness without the expectation for something in return.

Advertisements