Archive for Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club

Feeling Needed

Posted in Quotes with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 5, 2012 by Anna Deeds, LPC
Pilot (Sons of Anarchy)

Pilot (Sons of Anarchy) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Only men need to be loved, sweetheart. Women need to be wanted. Gemma

Gemma is saying that she needs to feel wanted.  I think the truth is that Gemma wants to feel needed.  I think a lot of what Gemma does in the fictional world of Charming is about her desire to be needed.  She schemes, manipulates and plays people off each other so she can squirm her way into being an important person in Jax‘s life.  She acts like it’s about her love for her son and her grandchildren but everything she does is out of selfishness.  She wants to be the center of her family’s world.  I think she wants this so she can feel needed.

I can relate to wanting to feel needed but I go about it an entirely different way.   I became a counselor because helping other people makes me feel needed.

It is a woman’s instinct to feel needed.  No, it’s more than instinct.  It’s a biological imperative.  Think about it.  Women are biologically designed to have children who need nurtured, loved and taken care of.  Children need us for everything.  But Gemma has reached a point in her life where her children are adults or gone.  They needed her when they were young but not now.  She is unable to accept that and this has a lot to do with what drives her to act out like a child who isn’t getting what she wants.

Unfortunately, I was never able to have children.  I have to find other ways to fulfill this need.  I do this by helping others but I also find myself doing this in personal relationships.  Whenever someone needs something, I try to fill that need.  I even look for things I can do for others because it makes me feel needed.  Most of the time this is a subconscious act where I don’t even think about it.  I’m just the type of person who will go out of their way to do things for others.

At times, it has caused problems in my relationships with men.  I think I make myself a target to be taken advantage of by men because I’m always trying so hard to make them happy.  Intellectually, I know I’m not responsible for another person’s happiness but subconsciously I do things all the time to try to make the man in my life happy.  It’s this urge to be needed that drives me to act this way.   I think some part of me believes if I can make the man in my life happy, then I will always be needed.

Feeling needed is an urge that is biologically based for women but that doesn’t mean we have to give in to it.  You certainly don’t have to play games like Gemma does to fulfill this need.  I am trying to change this in my life by noticing when I am acting on the urge to be needed.  I try not to give in to this as much and to do things for others out of kindness without the expectation for something in return.

Season 5 Episode 12 Darthy

Posted in Quotes with tags , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2012 by Anna Deeds, LPC

Jax

There will be days when you’re forced to make decisions that affect the lives of everyone you love – choices that will change you forever.  You reach an age where you realize that being a man isn’t about respect or strength, it’s about being aware of all the things you touch.  Children face inward, wallow in their own selfish needs.  Men face out, take action on the needs of others.

First, I’d like to point out that you can replace man/men with woman/women in this quote because I think it can apply to everyone.  Hard choices have to be made by everyone in life.  And some of those choices change you deeply and forever.

I made such a choice when I left my job to create a new business for addicts.  It was a hard choice and it changed me in ways I couldn’t imagine.  I realized I wasn’t happy at my job because I couldn’t be who I am.  Such is usually the case with any job.  When you work for someone else, you are a reflection of them and you have to act accordingly.  When you work for yourself, you can be who you are without censoring yourself.

It’s the same thing Jax is talking about when he says “it’s about being aware of all the things you touch.”  I don’t think most people realize how much impact they have on the world around them.  A simple smile can brighten a stranger’s day.  A “like” on Facebook can make all the difference to someone.  You just never know how what you do will affect someone else.  I try to be as kind as possible to those around me because you never know when someone really needs it.

Of course, there are times when I’m feeling down and don’t feel like being nice but this leads me to the next line in the quote.  “Children face inward, wallow in their own selfish needs.”  Children need to be selfish because they haven’t learned how to take care of their needs yet.  They have to rely on others for everything.  This is something that we should outgrow.  As we grow and learn, we are able to take care of our own needs and start to “take action on the needs of others.”

I like that the word wallow is used in this passage.  Wallow is a fitting word for selfishness.   When you only think of yourself and your needs, you may think you’re making your life better but this path leads to depression.  Selfishness and self-centered behavior leave you feeling empty and lost.  Nothing is gained by ignoring the needs of others to meet your own.  I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with meeting your own needs but when you do it at the cost of others, it is selfish.

How sad a world this would be if we only cared for our own needs without consideration for others.   Take action today on the needs of others.  Do something to help out your brother, your sister.  We are all connected and what you do for another will come back to help you.